Courtesy of Melissa Drake

• As a single mom, I was the primary female influence in my son's life for many years.
• I dated men with moms who were overly involved and controlling; I didn't want to be like them.
• Allowing my son's soon-to-be-wife to step into the lead role was necessary.

Our immediate family has been small for most of my son's life — just the two of us. I so appreciated being the first person he called when he had good news to share, was upset and needed comfort, wanted to laugh and be goofy, or needed advice.

While I've been a single mom since he was 2 years old, most of that time, I didn't feel like a single mom because we were well supported by friends and family members. As he grew, his network of female influence expanded greatly. My son had no shortage of women in his life as he was very supported by loving grandmothers, engaged aunts, a fantastic stepmother, and many close friends who offered guidance and lent a helping hand.

Encouraging and supporting him in connecting with other women with different perspectives was honestly not that hard, considering they were all great people I trusted dearly. And yet, it was odd not to be the first person he reached out to anymore.

But it was the perfect training for me to let him go once he got engaged to his soon-to-be wife.

I knew the mother I didn't want to be once I started dating

In the past, I've dated men with mothers who, like me, are privileged to have great relationships with their sons. I admire their relationships greatly. And yet, looking back, I can see a distinction that I wanted to avoid in my relationship with my son.

Appreciating privilege is one thing; being commanding and entitled is a different story altogether.

Unfortunately, entitled moms failed to make that transition from being the driver of their sons' lives to being a passenger. They still attempt to wield control, often using guilt and shame to motivate their sons to spend time with them, prioritize their well-being above all else, and generally direct the activities of grown men.

While I'm grateful to be in the vehicle as my son travels through life, some entitled moms I've encountered are still hellbent on steering when they should've set their son up as a driver who can take the wheel and lead his life.

I wanted something different for my son and his family

While I'm still very privileged and have a front-row seat to my son's life, I don't take any of it for granted, nor does my son. I know I'm not entitled to be the leader in his life. I honestly never was because he's always had that role down-pat.

I know my place. I've made a conscious effort to allow my son to lead the show — nearly always — but especially now that he's grown, living independently, and he and his fiancé are building a life together. Often, that means I take a back seat regarding holiday plans and other family decisions, and I'm OK with that. Even though it can be difficult at times.

It's interesting to let go of control and allow my son lead my position in his life. I trust him implicitly, and my place in his life has not diminished one bit. It's just repurposed and repositioned in a way that better serves us all.

From this new vantage point, I get to experience the joy of watching Johnathan and his lovely fiancé, Stephanie, build a life together and traverse career growth, cohabitation, and personal wellness.

While my input isn't required, it's often requested, and I find great joy in providing direction and support where it's welcomed and appreciated.

Thankfully, Stephanie is one of the most amazing women I know. I couldn't ask for a better partner for my son, and I can't wait to see how life unfolds for them.